


lost in the soft light

by colourmeblue



Series: you're my ocean, painted blue [9]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff, Pillow Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:09:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colourmeblue/pseuds/colourmeblue
Summary: Yasha smiles, before realising that she’s still holding on to the wine bottle. “I don’t really want to call the dogs in here, but we don’t have any glasses for this.”“Psh.” Beau waves a hand. “Straight out of the bottle is fine. The opposite of what my dad intended is always a win.”Yasha chuckles as she raises the bottle. “Okay. A toast.”“A toast?”“To us. To… being happy.”“To us.”(Spoilers for E126.)
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: you're my ocean, painted blue [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595863
Comments: 10
Kudos: 252





	lost in the soft light

There’s something about being in the tower that makes it feel like they have an endless amount of time to spend.

Yasha thinks that their time in the hot tub really did little for them as they both lie back in Beau’s bed, covered in sweat. They may have gone a little overboard, and they’re definitely going to be worn out tomorrow. Yasha’s excuse to herself is that she’s rusty and needed  _ at least _ several tries before she was satisfied with her own results. Then they had to keep going, of course, for good measure.

The mirror had proven extremely useful, as Yasha had predicted, and wearing Beau out is one of her new favourite activities. That, and everything Beau had been doing to her the entire evening.

They’d started fast, almost tearing each other’s clothes off the second they got into Beau’s room, and it continued that way for a while. There appeared to be a lot of built up sexual tension on both sides. That’s what they get for waiting so long.

However, in their last couple of bouts, Yasha made a point to really take it as slow as she could. She wants to savour as much of the entire night as possible. If she believed she had any sort of skill in this department, it would be whilst taking her time. She’s always been a woman of few words and more actions, so she tries to channel her feelings to the best of her ability.

Her mind hasn’t quite caught up to the events of the evening, and it’s still so surreal. They’d sped through most of the milestones that Yasha had been nervous about - the first kiss, the ‘I love you’s’, the copious amounts of sex. She’d been hesitant for a variety of reasons, but as soon as she and Beau started talking -  _ really  _ talking - everything else just felt natural. 

When she first met Beau, she wouldn’t have ever thought that she’d one day sweep her off her feet with her words. And yet, here they are. She’d gone into the date expecting maybe a kiss or several throughout, if things went well. Now, she’s very happily naked in Beau’s bed, drunk on Lionett wine, and she never wants to leave. 

As she catches her breath after their latest round, she turns her head to look at Beau beside her. The sheets are crumpled and discarded at the foot of the bed, allowing Yasha an extremely good view of her entire body. Her eyes travel slowly, drinking in as much of her body as possible. Despite everything that’s happened in the past hours, she feels a little awkward about it. Like this isn’t real, or she doesn’t deserve it. She knows only time will get her used to it.

“You okay?” Yasha asks, her eyes scanning Beau’s face. It only takes a hint of uncertainty in Beau’s eyes for Yasha to grow concerned.

“Uh…”

“Beau?”

It only takes a moment, but tears have welled up in Beau’s eyes. It happens so suddenly, and Yasha doesn’t have time to process it. 

“Beau?” She asks again, softer than before. Her immediate thought is that  _ she’s _ done this. She’s hurt her somehow. Maybe Beau regrets everything, especially now that they’ve sobered up. Beau had wanted to take it slow and start from the beginning. Yasha moves to her immediately, placing a hand on her cheek. “Are you hurt? Fuck, I’m sorry-”

“No.” Beau shakes her head quickly, but the look of anguish on her face doesn’t ease Yasha’s mind in the slightest. “It’s so fucking stupid.”

Yasha moves closer. “It’s not if you’re upset.”

Beau tries to turn away as Yasha moves closer, in an attempt to hide. Yasha slows her approach, gently taking hold of her arm with her free hand.

Beau cries silently, but it’s still unmistakeable. Yasha doesn’t hesitate for a single second, pulling Beau in and wrapping her up in her arms. Both of their bodies are still flushed with heat, but Yasha keeps her close as Beau cries into her shoulder.

Well, it’s official. There’s absolutely nothing Yasha hates more than this.

Yasha gently strokes her hair, which had been pulled out of its ties some time ago. She tilts her head so she can press kisses to Beau’s neck and shoulder. “I’m sorry.” She wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she’d done something wrong or hurt her or gotten the wrong idea in any way.

Beau pulls back from Yasha’s embrace to look at her, tear streaks down her cheeks. “No, don’t be.”

“Then tell me,” Yasha murmurs encouragingly, reaching up to wipe some of the tears away. 

Beau shakes her head again, slowly this time, as she avoids meeting Yasha’s gaze. “I’m… just a little overwhelmed.” She blinks a few times, trying to rid herself of the tears. “I’ve just never… had anything like this.”

Yasha freezes in place. She gets the gist of what she’s trying to say, and it almost breaks her. Still, she knows she’s not getting everything from Beau, as the tears continue to form in her eyes.

“Beau…” Yasha murmurs again, her hand finding her way back to her cheek. “You can say anything to me.”

“It’s just… been a lot. Emotionally.” Yasha can see Beau almost cringing at herself as she says it. Being uncomfortable with being open runs on both sides, so Yasha is grateful that she’s being let in right now. “Even with Tori, it wasn’t…” She shakes her head, unable to finish the thought, sounding a little congested as she speaks. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Yasha shakes her head. “There’s nothing wrong with you. We… It  _ was _ a lot. Last night.” Especially for two people with immense romantic baggage going into a date with no expectations. While she doesn’t regret a single second of it, neither of them can deny they went a lot faster than they expected. “We charged through all of it. And… blurting out that I love you so early on probably didn’t help.”

Beau tries her best to wipe away the rest of her tears on her own. “Yasha, that was the best part,” she answers softly, holding Yasha’s gaze for a moment. “I’ve thought about that moment for a long time.”

“How long?” Yasha murmurs, brushing the hair away from Beau’s eyes.

“Since you came back to us? I don’t know.” Beau offers with a slight shrug and a sniffle. “I pushed it all away while you were gone. Everything I felt for you. And when I couldn’t let it go, I ended up… projecting it onto other people. And then you came back and I was scared out of my fucking mind to feel it all again.”

“Well…” Yasha starts, making sure her eyes are level with Beau’s. “You know I love you. And we can take the rest as it comes. At whatever pace we need to.”

“I love you, too,” Beau whispers back, and Yasha notices the slight crack in her voice as she says it. “And I’m sorry for crying all over you.”

“No, I’m glad.” Yasha says, before shaking her head. “I don’t mean- not the crying, but it just… I like knowing. What makes you feel this way. I want you to feel how you deserve to feel. But… I want you to be comfortable, too.”

“I am,” Beau assures her. “I just… I never expected you. You’ve been amazing to me… more than anyone else I’ve known. I’m just not… used to it.” She pauses, dropping her gaze, as if she’s embarrassed all over again. “Sex for me used to be… nothing. It was just fun or a temporary fix or a distraction.” She shakes her head quickly. “That was the first time it didn’t feel like that. Like I said, it’s stupid.”

“That’s not… stupid.” The last word comes out as a breath as she uses her thumb to wipe away the remainder of Beau’s tears. If anything, she’s fallen more in love with Beau just based on those few sentences alone. She hadn’t realised that simply telling the truth out loud and treating her the way she deserved to be treated would mean so much to her. It hurts, actually.

Luckily, all Yasha knows in her limited experience - whether it be romance or sex - is love. She wouldn’t be lying in Beau’s bed right now if she didn’t love her.

Beau takes the opportunity to wrap her arms around Yasha and pull her in tighter. They hold each other in silence for a few moments before Beau sighs. “I didn’t want to fuck this up.”

“Well…” Yasha chuckles lightly. “It’s a good thing you didn’t, then.”

The silence between them stretches from seconds to minutes. Yasha doesn’t make any moves to disentangle herself from her. It’s nice. She’s keenly aware that they’re not going to get time like this before the mess ahead of them. A sigh escapes her as her mind stops wandering. “I really don’t want to face the real world again.”

Beau turns her head to look at the clock that sits above the door to her bedroom. “Nobody will be awake for hours.”

“I know, it’s just…” Yasha moves one hand, her fingers trailing up and down Beau’s back. “We have to go back out there and face Lucien and all of it again.” She pauses for a moment, not meeting Beau’s gaze. The whole thing is fucking exhausting, and she really doesn’t want them both crying in this bed tonight. “You almost died last time. You almost die  _ a lot _ . I worry that there’ll come a time where I won’t be able to save you. I can’t do that again, Beau.”

“Hey…” Beau starts, reaching up to gently guide Yasha’s face back to facing hers. “I don’t want you to ever put pressure on yourself to save me. If something happens to me, I-” Yasha tenses up in response to that, which Beau immediately winces at. “It won’t be your fault if I get hurt. Like you said, you want to protect the group and I love you for that, but you’re not to blame if something goes wrong. And… I don’t have any plans of leaving you behind.”

“I guess I’m just… feeling the weight of it. Now that we’re… together…?” Yasha’s eyebrows furrow a little. It’s not like they’ve discussed it, but it seems pretty set in stone at this point. Still, saying it out loud is… strange.

Beau tries to hide her smile but fails. “I mean, at this point…” She gestures around her. “But, y’know, only if you want to be.”

Yasha feels her cheeks flush red. “Of course, Beau.” She doesn’t know why she’s getting shy about everything  _ now _ . They’re already naked, one of them has cried, it’s been an experience already.

“Okay. Then it’s settled.”

Yasha moves to separate herself from Beau for a moment, ignoring Beau’s protests, before moving to the side of the bed and bending over to retrieve something.

As Yasha returns with one of the bottles of Lionett wine they had discarded very early in the evening, she catches Beau looking her exposed body up and down. She feels herself blush even harder, and she knows it’s going to take a long time before she gets used to _ that. _ She’s come to terms with the fact that any and every part of this is going to feel foreign and awkward for a little while.

Beau sits up next to her as Yasha fiddles with the bottle. She feels Beau’s hand trace her shoulder and bicep gently, causing goosebumps to rise on her skin. “You are… so beautiful.”

“Stop it…” Yasha says, only because she can feel the blush returning and she’d rather it didn’t. 

“You are,” Beau insists, as her fingers dance lower, lightly brushing over her breast, down to where her defined abdominal muscles are. “There’s a reason I noticed you the first time we met. You were gorgeous, and much cooler than the rest of us.”

“Oh?” Yasha asks, genuinely curious while focusing on Beau touching her. “And now?”

“Still gorgeous, still cool. But… I can see you’re happier. More confident. That makes it better.”

Yasha ducks her head a little, immediately embarrassed by all the praise and taken aback by the sincerity of Beau’s compliments.

“And don’t think I haven’t noticed this…” Yasha suddenly feels fingers in her hair, and she immediately knows that Beau is talking about her white roots. 

“When did you notice that…?” Yasha hasn’t seen a mirror in a while, but it’s definitely been weeks since Caduceus first showed her the white. It’d been hidden in Eiselcross because she’d been wearing a hat the entire time, but she hasn’t thought about it in a while.

“When we got to Nicodranas. I didn’t say anything because we were in such a rush, but… it looks great.”

“It was my original hair colour, before… back in my tribe.” Yasha smiles faintly, before turning to look at Beau. 

“Well, I can’t wait to see it in all its glory.”

Yasha’s heart feels so full in an instant. She’d been on cloud nine with Beau ever since the date started, but now there’s an extra weight of thankfulness and adoration for her that she can’t express in words. Instead, she turns her head and captures Beau’s lips with hers firmly. Beau’s hand on her head moves to grasp the back of her neck. It’s a long moment before they pull away, and Yasha almost forgets why she sat up in the first place.

“I don’t know how we held off on doing this for so long,” Yasha breathes.

Beau laughs. “Trust me, it was a struggle. When you caught me on Rumblecusp and we went flying… I almost kissed you on top of that cliff.”

“That was… a moment. I definitely wanted you to.”

Beau smiles gently. “I wanted it to be your choice. All of this. It had to be you.”

Yasha smiles back, before realising that she’s still holding on to the wine bottle. “I don’t really want to call the dogs in here, but we don’t have any glasses for this.”

“Psh.” Beau waves a hand. “Straight out of the bottle is fine. The opposite of what my dad intended is always a win.”

Yasha chuckles as she raises the bottle. “Okay. A toast.”

“A toast?”

“To us. To… being happy for as long as we can.” 

“To us.”

Yasha takes a swig from the bottle before handing it to Beau. Beau tilts the bottle in Yasha’s direction. “To the Nein. Molly’s the reason we met, after all.”

“To the Nein.” Yasha smiles as she watches Beau take a swig herself.

They take turns passing the bottle back and forth until it’s empty, before cozying up beside each other in bed again. Beau curls into Yasha’s arms, and it’s the first time in months where Yasha feels any semblance of relaxation. A feeling of  _ home _ . Now that she’s said it out loud for the first time, it terrifies her how much she loves Beau. How she’d do absolutely anything for her. How much it would break her if she ever lost her.

“Are you feeling better?” Yasha asks, fingertips brushing Beau’s hipbone. One of Beau’s hands rests against Yasha’s collarbone, and Yasha tries to ignore the angry red eye that resides there. Her plan to stop Lucien and… whoever else from watching had been thrown out the window, but it still resides in the back of her mind, making her anxious.

“Yeah.” Beau says with a sigh. I mean… a little embarrassed, but yeah.”

“You have no reason to be embarrassed.” Hell, Yasha’s done some things pretty high on the shame scale in her mind, so this is small-time in comparison.

“I know. But thank you.”

Yasha is hesitant in her reply. She doesn’t want to stir up any bad memories right now. “You mentioned Tori earlier… you didn’t have that with her?”

“I mean…” Beau scrunches her nose. “She was my first, but... I was a lot younger then. It’s not really the same, y’know? You and I… we’ve been through so much already. You’ve seen me at my worst. We’re closer, I don’t know if I can explain it.”

Yasha nods, not wanting to delve too much into it if Beau doesn’t want to. 

“What about you?” Beau turns her body to look at her face. “I never asked how you feel about… all of it.”

Yasha chews on her lower lip. “It was always going to be a little strange, I think. You’re… the first person I’ve been with since… well…  _ everything _ . Only the second person I’ve ever been with.” A frown forms on her face. She’s tried to let go of some of the guilt, some of the pain. She’s felt freer since she had that dream about Zuala, but there’ll always be a piece of her here. Only now, it will be in a positive way. “But… I think you’re the right person. I don’t think…” Her eyebrows furrow as she concentrates. “I don’t think it could have been anyone else, you know? You are… very easy to open up to. It feels right.”

Yasha doesn’t get to see Beau blush out of bashfulness  _ too _ often, but when she does, it’s incredibly endearing. Then again, she’s certainly been getting more of it lately. “That’s… okay, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I meant every word. You’re… very special.” Yasha bites her lip again, her heart swelling again in her chest. They have a unique relationship. They have definitely seen each other at their worst. Watched each other grow to be something more. Fell in love from a distance before coming together. “You are… very strong and warm and  _ beautiful _ . You’re so beautiful, Beau.”

Beau stares at her for a moment with soft eyes, her mouth open slightly. It looks as if she’s about to say something, but instead chooses to lean in and kiss Yasha once again. And Yasha knows she’s in all sorts of trouble, because she’s never going to tire of this.

“I… yeah.” Beau chuckles as she pulls away. “There you go again. Blowing me away.”

Yasha watches her fondly before speaking again. “You’re also very skilled with your… everything.” She gestures around her body, causing Beau to laugh again and press a kiss to the underside of Yasha’s jaw.

Yasha smiles as her fingers run along Beau’s hairline and down her cheek and jaw. “You’re tired.” 

“Well… you did a number on me, babe. In many very great and memorable ways. I’m not the only talented one.” Beau taps Yasha’s chest a few times. “If we didn’t have to go save the world, I would insist we stay here all day.”

“When it’s all over,” Yasha promises, “we should have a Nicodranas date on the beach.”

“We’ll get our own room at the Lavish Chateau.” Beau raises an eyebrow suggestively, before returning to a gentle smile. “But… only if you bring the harp to the date.”

“Okay. Deal.”

It isn’t long after that they drift off to sleep, Beau curled in Yasha’s arms. Allowing a few more hours of bliss with one another before having to face the harsh reality of the dangers ahead of them. Yasha has always had something to fight for within this group, but now, there’s a renewed sense of drive and purpose. 

She has someone extra precious standing at her side - someone who  _ loves _ her - to protect once more, and Yasha is resolute that she will not fail.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a headcanon I've always had that Beau would be emotional as fuck after her first time(s) with someone like Yasha.


End file.
